o nce upon a twine there stepped a man who soon found himself left-side-down engulfed by the human beasts. "what say you, twine man, who has stolen and broken our livelihood?" "it's a fucking twine," answered Joaquin. the human beasts momentarily stood beside themselves, baffled by the twine man's confidence. they huddled together, and, relying on each other to assure themselves of their superiority to this obviously uncivilized & primitive man (of sorts), they responded thusly, "we do not understand your shaolin jargon. speak our language, or we will make assumptions as to what you mean." Joaquin was no fool. and, interestingly enough, he had been in this situation before - on both sides of the tabuloidical journal. "what say you, twine man, who has stolen and broken our livelihood?" they asked again, with the yes-men of the human beasts further encouraging the importance of the answer to the question which could neither be right nor wrong even if spoken in perfect anguish. the angoloids were growing impatient; they began poking and peering at Joaquin. "the twine man is hostile; his anger makes him speechless. the twine man is dangerous; a cage would serve him best. the twine man is stupid; he cannot speak or read. the twine man is clueless; we know what he needs..." just then a strobe light came in, and the forest was transformed into a Lauryn Hill concert. the angoloids were a bit confused which probably explained their jerky motion and constant biting up the upper lip. they no longer insisted that anguish be the language of choice; they merely hummed along to that which they could not understand (oh, the symbolism). she played a 30 minute set - no encore. there were no fires or riots despite high ticket prices and a large number of teens. whatdidyouthinkoftheshow? what? what-did-you-think-of-the-show? what? what did you think of the show? 3 african black men who also happened to be people of color were detained early on at the show for questioning with regards to some crimes. we're sure they've done something - they're poor, too! "what say you twine man who has stolen and broken our livelihood?" "call me jason," he said, in anguish. "most angoloids do." the angoloids were pleased at his request. perhaps jason could be gentrified. they gave him a pill that taught him the history of the world... arentyoulucky? what? aren't-you-lucky? what? aren't you lucky? the human beasts found that jason and his friends had many capabilities similar to angoloids. sure, they spoke funny and had bad hair, but there were benefits to having them around. eventually, jason instilled much fear in the hearts of the angoloids by becoming a professional fighter. still, he was no threat so long as he fought on their terms. when jason became the king of the world, however, the angoloids discovered something frightfully upsetting - he was intelligent. or could atleast emulate as such. "what say you twine man who has stolen and broken our livelihood?" "call me Joaquin," he said, "and i will never forget that once upon a twine." "neither will we. you've been drafted, jason." it was all spoken in perfect anguish.